My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

*spoiler-free*

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell details the story of when 15-year old Vanessa first slept with her English teacher, Jacob Strane, and their continued affair throughout her adulthood. Strane is 27 years older than Vanessa and later in his teaching career, he faces allegations by a former student of sexual assault.

This book had me experiencing all the feels. It is difficult to say I liked this book as its story is so dark and disturbing, yet it is such an important read. The book flips between two perspectives each chapter, both in the first person, with one beginning in 2000 when Vanessa is at high school and has Strane as her English teacher. The next is in 2017, when Vanessa is now 32 and dealing with the upcoming accusations against Strane, whilst still being in contact with him. In the first few pages, it is evident just how manipulative Strane is, using his power not only as a teacher but as a dominant figure in Vanessa’s life to maintain her loyalty; but this is only the start of how dark this story gets. My Dark Vanessa is definitely not a light-hearted read, but psychologically consuming in every way.

I haven’t read a book in a long time that actually made me grimace at some points. However, this is not a criticism of Russell’s writing. Whilst an uncomfortable read, Russell depicts Strane’s character so well that it was his comments and demeanour that would make me shiver. Although early in the book I could gather how detrimental Strane would be on Vanessa’s life, there were many shocking twists and turns that I didn’t expect but added value to the story.

I always enjoy books that make me want to read the other characters perspectives, to understand their mentality further. Russell discusses this in her afterword that when writing this book, she was told Vanessa’s point of view was unrelatable and unlikeable and it should be changed to Strane’s point of view. Whilst I think it would be interesting to see Strane’s perspective, I am so glad she stuck to telling the story by Vanessa as you get a true insight into the thoughts and feelings of the victim. As the reader, it is easy to see what is right and wrong but from Vanessa’s eyes, this is blurry. When I was reading about the interactions between Vanessa and Strane, I was worried these events were going to be over romanticised, however, this was a clever move on Russell’s part. Even if events were being described in this way, the story is being told by Vanessa. This shows the reader just how much Vanessa believed this was love and how she must different to all the other ‘Me Too’ stories that were coming out. She wasn’t the same as other girls, she was special and truly believed that this was always supposed to happen to her.

Because even if I sometimes use the word abuse to describe certain things that were done to me, in someone else’s mouth the word turns ugly and absolute.

My Dark Vanessa

I genuinely felt sorry for Vanessa; I longed and hoped that she would see that she wasn’t different to the other girls. What made this book so sad to read is when Vanessa realised how much Strane controlled her, instead of running from this, she longed for his touch and supposed love. It’s disturbing to read how powerful Strane was over Vanessa for many years of her life due to his ability to put pressure on her to stay silent and groom her into feeling sorry for him and wanting to please him. Even though we see that Vanessa is often repulsed by Strane, she longs for the love she thinks she’s getting from him.

What makes this book such an important read is that it does not shy away from the complexities of these situations and stories that have come from the ‘Me Too’ movement. There are some raw discussions between the characters which struggle to deal with the reality of what has happened and the moral obligations around sharing your story with the world. My Dark Vanessa does a great job at showing this is not as easy as it seems, and even if a story is shared, the general public and social media can very quickly turn on you depending on the outcome.

My Dark Vanessa deals with the struggles of how traditionally, institutions are so quick to protect abusers. I was surprised at how well the book tackles the argument of who to believe first and how the general public may favour one side of the argument first. We see how initially the public appears to be in the accuser’s favour, with support and sympathy shared across social media. However, if the outcome of the case goes against what accusers are saying, people are very quick to turn by calling these accusers liars and attention-seeking who solely want to ruin other people’s lives. What I think is particularly clever about this book is that it discusses the issue where some people do inevitably lie about their abuse. There are cases where people are falsely accused and their lives are ruined, and others where justice is never seen. This book emphasizes that where abuse may happen in schools, universities or other places of care, institutions should have policies in place to protect both parties and not to favour one or the other. Russell also discusses her worries about the timing of her book as more people were coming out with their stories and she “didn’t want to come across as opportunistic or have it cheapen [her] work somehow.” However, I believe this book adds value to these discussions.

This book also comes at a relevant time to me reading it due to the very recent allegations against Noel Clarke being a ‘sexual predator’. I am so glad to see that the accusations published in this article were well researched and full of quotes from women who wanted to come forward. The journalists Sirin Kale and Lucy Osborne should be credited for this as without the effort that went into this article and making women comfortable to come forward, there would be so many people going down the “there’s no proof” line and automatically siding with Clarke. Whereas in My Dark Vanessa, Vanessa and other women were let down by the media and institutions.

This book is such an important read but I can imagine how difficult and triggering it could be for people who have had similar experiences. I’d suggest some research should be done before reading this if you think you could be negatively affected. Although an uncomfortable read with some raw discussions about rape, sexual abuse, and pedophilia, it was exceptionally written. I was so surprised to learn that this is Russell’s first novel and I would love to read anything else she publishes, whether it is about similar issues or not. This book has stuck with me and as I was reading it, it genuinely made me stop and think about how messed up everything was for Vanessa. On a lighter note, on Instagram Russell has made a highlight of memes she has found relating to My Dark Vanessa, which has made me like the author even more. I will definitely keep a look out for anything else Russell works on due to this read.

5/5 stars